


the thing that tethers you to me

by Meatball42



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canonical Character Death, Gen, Ghosts, Near Death Experiences, Post-Endgame, Recovery, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:26:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27341938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meatball42/pseuds/Meatball42
Summary: Against all the odds, Tony survived using the Stones. It's all over, the universe is saved.So why does it feel like he's still slipping away?
Relationships: James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark, Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe) & Tony Stark, Natasha Romanov & Tony Stark
Comments: 3
Kudos: 11
Collections: Trick or Treat Exchange 2020





	the thing that tethers you to me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tuesday](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tuesday/gifts).



> The title is from 'Thanks to Gravity' by the band of the same name. I think it's a very Tony song.
> 
> Winning analysis and advice from ChokolatteJedi helped smooth out the themes here.

Tony started having the dreams a month after the Snapback.

Exactly a month. Not twenty-nine days or thirty-one days, but the time when the moon was in exactly the same place relative to the Earth as it had been when Bruce had brought everyone back. Tony checked. Well, he had FRIDAY check.

It was the middle of the day, but Tony was sleeping anyway because that was most of what he did these days. His Snap had left his body untouched, his heart exactly as damaged as it had been previously, but he was bedbound and feeble all the same. He was like a leaky gas tank, constantly empty no matter how much sleep he got or how many nutrients the doctors pumped into him. No one could explain it, not Strange or Cho, not Princess Shuri or the Mantis.

Well, they could explain it, except the explanation was ‘You operated six implements powerful enough to wipe out half of the universe by using a glove you built in your second-best fabrication lab.’

“What did you think was going to happen?”

Tony didn’t open his eyes. He was too tired, and anyway Natasha’s particular vocal fry was easy to recognize.

“I thought I’d die.”

She didn’t reply, but it was a sympathetic silence.

Tony had some things he would say to her, but the effort it would take to breathe in and then shape the words… it wasn’t worth it.

He felt her hand on his forehead. She was warm, familiar. He’d seen her in person only a few times in the last few years, but he’d still know her touch anywhere.

“Get some rest.”

Tony nodded a little, and then he woke up.

  
  


A dream was a dream, and a dream about a dead person, a good friend, who he was mourning- well, that wasn’t unexpected. Wasn’t even unusual. Life happened, and death happened. You learned the patterns.

He took naps all day, slept all night. Pepper was around a lot, even though she was managing Stark International remotely. She was in his treatment room most times he woke up, murmuring into her headset by the far windows, looking over at him periodically.

Tony got used to seeing a beautiful redhead watching him from across the room, so he didn’t think anything of it when he blinked awake, sometime in the night, and saw moonlight reflecting off deep red hair.

But wait… Pepper’s hair wasn’t that dark.

“Nat?”

The figure tilted their head, and yeah, that was Nat.

“Am I dreaming?” She looked so real.

She came over. She didn’t look like she’d leapt to her death. She looked the way Tony remembered her, flushed from an argument, perfect make-up, disapproving expression.

“I told you to rest,” she said with a frown.

“I- am?”

“No, you’re not.” She put her hand on her forehead again, and it felt- it felt more solid, more real than anything had lately, more than the needles and the sensors, more than weird magical implements.

More real than Pepper’s hand in his, more real than Rhodey’s voice on the phone

“What is this?” Tony asked. He could feel in his gut that something wasn’t right. Fear, cold and coursing through him, had him feeling more awake than he could remember being recently.

Natasha shook her head slowly.

“You shouldn’t be here.”

“Where is here?”

He blinked, and she was gone. He was breathing hard, staring across the treatment room. Pepper was curled up on a cot in the corner, her cell phone held next to her face.

  
  


Tony had visitors.

Steve, twice. Once to pay his respects, or some bullshit, and once to get Tony’s ideas for a planet-wide superhero coalition that the New New Avengers were talking about. Tony had barely been able to keep his eyes open, and Steve had left with a thinly curtailed order: Get better. We need you.

But they didn’t, not really. Peter visited, in his mask at all times in HQ, and he was all chatter about the new initiatives, or as much of them as he was read in on. Things seemed to be progressing pretty well, between the cachet the Avengers carried after saving the known universe, and the otherworldly authority of the Asgardians, and the immense shows of promise the Wakandans were starting to let the world see. The future was coming. Peter was going to be one of its brightest stars, Tony knew.

He didn’t think he would be. Not this time. Legacy, that was a thing. He had some thoughts about it, but fell asleep before he could complete them.

  
  


He saw Natasha again when Maria Hill was in the room. Tony still owned things, still funded things, still had to be apprised of things. Hill didn’t like doing it, but she was a professional, and practiced at gritting her teeth and doing what needed to be done.

Literally. Tony could see her gritting her teeth occasionally when he summed up the energy to crack a joke, anything to break her constant stream of seriousness.

“She’s lying to you.”

Tony flinched. Natasha was sitting next to his bed, in all actuality cracking gum while she watched Hill flip through a stack of papers.

Tony didn’t say anything. He didn’t know what the reaction would be if he told anyone he’d been seeing a ghost, but he sure as hell didn’t want Hill to be the first to find out.

“There’s something else. SHIELD is hiding something.”

Tony snorted. Hill glared at him, but kept talking.

“Don’t you want to know what’s going on?” Natasha asked him. She quirked an eyebrow, baiting him. Daring him.

Tony raised an eyebrow right back. _I see through you._

She smirked. _Maybe you do, maybe you don’t._

God, he missed her.

“Do you need a break, Mr. Stark?” Hill asked sharply.

Natasha rolled her eyes. Tony laughed, sank down further into his pillows. “Yeah, I think I do.”

Hill didn’t need another reason. She was gone in fifteen seconds.

“You really should try and pay attention,” Natasha said quietly. She was giving him the big eyes, the look that was either manipulation, or sincerity, or sincere manipulation. It was a lot more endearing when she was on your side.

“I don’t… I don’t care,” Tony admitted, sighing. “I’m so tired, Nat. We saved the universe, can’t a guy want a vacation?”

He yawned, twice, three times. He let his head fall back on the pillow and stared at the ceiling.

“How long of a vacation?”

Tony thought about it.

“I don’t know.” He thought about it some more. “A long one. A really long one.”

  
  
  


Natasha was there more often than not, whether Tony was ‘awake’ or ‘asleep.’ He couldn’t tell which was which anymore, and according to Natasha, that was a very bad thing.

“You have to fight it, Tony,” she told him. “Hey!”

She clapped her hands in front of his face. Tony barely flinched. He was looking out the window at the sun through the blue sky, only a few clouds to break up its beautiful depths. The perfect weather for flying, just you and the open air, the clouds nothing more than obstacles to play with. 

Something was shaking him.

“Geez, Nat, okay, I’m awake!”

“Tony?”

Oh shit. Pepper was looking down at him, stricken.

“Tony, what did you call me?”

  
  
  


Tony told Pepper he’d been dreaming. Normal dreams, the kind where you see someone you miss. She’d held his hand, kissed him, assured him it was normal. She cried a little. Tony didn’t know how to tell her what was happening, not when he didn’t really know what it was.

Especially not when he did know what it was.

Natasha stared at him over Pepper’s shoulder, her expression somber.

  
  
  


She was there all the time, now. Tony felt like he was awake a lot; when a nurse checked him over for the third time in a day, he told Tony that he was actually sleeping more than ever. That was a wake-up call, metaphorically sleeping. 

Rhodey had been out on missions ever since the world got back to normal. Tony had FRIDAY call him back to New York. They talked for a few minutes, the most Tony could stay awake for. Tony didn’t say anything, but he didn’t have to. Rhodey knew him better than anyone. He asked a few questions, things that wouldn't be in the will or elsewhere. He held Tony’s hand, hard, the whole time, and he hugged Tony tight before leaving.

Natasha respectfully stared out the far window the whole time.

  
  
  


Tony was already awake, staring into the air, but he wasn't really present until he felt warm movement on his legs, and then a really bad pain in a place where he really could have done without it.

“Oh honey, be careful!”

“Daddy! Daddy!”

Tony came back to life slowly, like he was swimming back to consciousness after a knock-out battle. He smelled her first, a smell wired to the back of his brain. His arms came up, caught. Someone removed the tubes constraining him, and then his arms were wrapped around his daughter.

He tried to sit up. Someone helped with that, raising the bed and arranging the pillows behind him. Tony couldn’t tell: his face was buried in Morgan’s hair, his ears filled with the sound of her breathing and the little babbles she made, just thinking out loud, like any inquisitive child. She felt more real in his arms than anything had in a long time. She was the center of his universe, always, no matter what other responsibilities he had, no matter how the world moved around them.

Tony looked up. Pepper and Rhodey were standing at the end of the bed while the nurse checked Tony’s machines. They were holding hands and watching him and Morgan with a mix of hope and concern. Tony had seen enough of those emotions on their faces from hospital beds over the years.

Behind them, Natasha was waiting by the door to the room. When she had his attention, she blew him a kiss.

 _Thank you,_ Tony thought, and she smiled at him before walking right through the closed door.

Morgan planted a big, sloppy kiss on Tony’s cheek. “Better!” she shrieked in his ear, and Tony just laughed.


End file.
